Funny that half of these are true.

Top 10 restaurant design flaws

posted by Phil Vettel on Chicago Tribune's entertainment.

The food can be transcendent and the service clairvoyant, but bad restaurant design can ruin any dining experience. We're talking specifics, not "too noisy" or "too cold." Here are the things that bug us. Feel free to add your own; if we get enough suggestions, maybe restaurants will start paying attention.

1. Wobbly tables. Fix 'em. Every busboy should know the old matchbook-shim trick.
2. Backless bar stools and benches. Because some people still wear low-rise pants. What, is the plumbers' convention in town?
3. Ginormous menus. If they can't be placed on the table without breaking something, we have a problem.
4. Too-close banquette tables. It's like the couple next to me are part of my date.
5. Cold, dark bathrooms. Why do we even have to mention this one?
6. Hard, uncomfortable seats. I can't fully appreciate the food when my kiester's numb.
7. Clingy, rough-grain banquette fabrics. I want to slide in, not fight my way in.
8. Tables too close to the front door. Every time someone enters or leaves, I get a weather report. Put in an airlock or hang some heavy curtains, but spare us the blast of outdoor air.
9. Toilet fixtures that look like modern art. How do I work this thing?
10. Modern art that looks like a toilet fixture. I'm two martinis away from a public-indecency charge.